L i f e t h r o u g h l i g h t s p e c t r u m

seeking the birds of ill omen

2011-05-28T16:44:00.006+08:00

a stroll under this moonlight
might bring no harm
but bruises my impulses
a feeling not perceived before

igniting the night
knowing of the consequences
that might scar during the day
selfless, but well worth for stars to shine

envious thoughts now fills my mind
heart gasping for air
a sudden rush in the bloodstream
inevitable knowing of the hopelessness

your eyes are set to kill
those smile are enough to incite
every single touch kills me slowly
this is the concealed truth

pretense so the heart feel safe
wishing that is not how it should be
but beyond it seems bleak
content with transient joy

miracle might happen
but it would be contempt
a cheater you are not
a stabber i am not

inhale the familiar taste
encase them in
so this would last forever
a delusive illusion to live on for

clear skies of empty hearts

2011-05-11T14:22:00.005+08:00

Encasing my thoughts, i still wonder o' Pythia,
What is the true nature of this abundance of sorrow.

No wrong was made right,
All right made to believe as wrong.

Did it even matter to mend,
Did it even wanted to be mend.

A monument was built of me,
In stone and carves, like you prophesied

Tell me, what lesson had i learned now,
What wrong have i done.

To make all wrongs right

distorted panoramic view of eden

2011-05-02T02:13:00.005+08:00

2:30am, mission impossible.

slip out of your skin, take a shot with me
bring closer so i can taste your affection
a taste so foreign
i almost drowned in pool of fantasy

kill my obsession, burn my desires
end those thoughts
and drift them away
towards conformity

brush them forth and make a wish
to have a glimpse on a view
a view so perfect
it matches my delusions

half way there turn on me
drop the guard, but don't sound the alarm
fear it is wrong, but know it feels right
giving in to the taste of foreign

shovel away the guilt
trust me and I'll bring you there
Eden the realm you've been longing for
the paradise you might never imagined

final shot
so it will take me there again
wishing Apocalypse is now
so Eden should not be far away

it is empty
keep your calm, walk the steps
feeling wrong is inevitable
Eden was real, but not you

here is a song...

i remember kissing on perfection's cheek

2011-01-03T11:50:00.004+08:00

i had some sleep last night, just to be awakened by my ever grumbling tummy at 5am. i scratched my hips as i walk down to my parent's kitchen. i grabbed a glass and filled it up with some juice and went to the table and started flipping through yesterday's newspaper. i had the shock of my life seeing something i have not seen in a very long time. it was a picture of me and MM circa 2004. tears rolled down my cheek (crap, not so tuff now!) i couldn't even decide if i was happy or sad. happy to see a picture of her; sad of knowing everything perfect in your life came to an end.

damn son. now i wonder how that photo got there. it was arranged perfectly in a spot that i would find. i was checking around, and it looks like my dad put it there as he was cleaning up a couple of my boxes in the store. I didn't even know i had the picture in the box. what a way to start new year huh?

so i marched to my laptop and started cyber stalking her. hahaha how low would i go even as i have her number imprinted in my head till today. no one can escape the cyberspace.. you are bound to leave some footprint behind. i hit the jackpot when i found picture of her in white kebayas. she looked amazing and even more stunning than the bride. now i have a weak knee.

you were perfect for me, yet you weren't mine.
should i just give up assuming that nothing can ever.....?

ok, it started to rain heavily and crap! it is 12:30pm. i am going to try to sleep now. when i wake up something magical better happen to drag me out of this MELodrama.

quiet quiet scream scream

2010-08-18T11:15:00.005+08:00

time 11:38am.
it kinda hit me that life is not as simple as how it goes in "Scrubs" or "That 70's Show."
If it did, everything would have had a better plot than how it is now. As much as i wish it was much like tv series than reality, i just want my equilibrium back. A point where i am familiar and feel sane.

time 11:43am.
my current workload in the office is as busy as the the traffic from work back home. either way in office or on my way back home you can say that i am stuck. frick me. making myself a cuppa coffee. brb.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

time 12:00pm
back. i'm sleepy and still my mind wants to think of my current hatred. my boss if you are reading this, i am so pissed at a worker that is misusing the office telephone for long distance calls during work hours. oh, better still, now this person upgraded to webcam chat and hooked on to it during work hours. dear boss, terminate.......! i don't want to be the whistle blower, but heck, i am so pissed to see this person enjoying life when the others and i busting our asses day in day out when this person neglecting their responsibilities. big frick to you.

time 12:14pm
i need a vacation. "people can be nice and scary at the same time." i don't want to elaborate, but i know many could relate to this sentence. all i want to do right now is be under a beach umbrella with my ipod on and listening to maybe Koop - Koop Island and just watch the open sea. sounds fun eh, yea for me at this given time. oh heck, it is raining outside now.

okla, i must get some shut eye. i must and i insist. hehe. here is this month's tune. till we speak again... booyakasha!

it ain't always sunny over my side.

2010-07-16T11:46:00.004+08:00

if you are here because two person name micheal or zara let you on the news that one of your friend has a blog, you might have arrived at wrong site. i've been receiving several hate mails regarding this person who might share the same name as me, and criticizing on why this person owns a blog. seriously, stop writing and search elsewhere. you are hallucinating. here are some of the hate mails:

"dude, i can't believe u write a blog, are you a queer or something?" - by rockdude127
"don't you have anything better to do than write trash? i can't believe this is you writing!" - by n00b
"i'm not proud to know you now, you make me sick!@!#" - by S!nn3rz_9

you got the wrong person......tata
while you are here. enjoy this music video.

jeg virkelig savner deg

2010-07-08T18:21:00.004+08:00

i hate waking up extra early before i am supposed to (at this point i also realized that my blog entries are mostly about hate). if i do wake up earlier, my mind would drift as i laze on the bed. i hate drifting - mainly because things like this are bound to happen.

today it took me by surprise that after a very long time, i missed MM. i had no idea why. i've lost this person from my life somewhere 5 years ago, and ever since i have not made much contact or know her whereabouts. out of curiosity, i boarded on a journey (journey? more like stalking) to run a simple gooooogle search on MM. i got no results. :(

tough luck. why am i so curious? why did i remembered? why do i have this weird feeling in my gut again? i wish i had answers, but being me i'd just ignore all these by the end of the day, knowing nothing much that i can do. in five years, i have not bumped into her once, and she lives nearby - yet i always bump into morons that i do not want to meet.

ok, i gotta let this go! change topic, World Cup? I swear that bloody "psychic"octopus Paul has been getting more publicity than winning teams, and now the Germans are sending death threats to this octopus (they probably want Paul on their sushi or something) for predicting their loss in the semi-finals. funny funny.

man vs octopus. we've seen that in spiderman 2, didn't we? how did that end again? oh quick update, i got a raise! no, i don't mean that kinda raise you idiot, i've been promoted. i guess all my hard work paid off and now this new role is more challenging, but i don't see a problem in getting through it. so now i can save up for that holiday i had been longing for!

so yea, i'm leaving now and with MM on my mind and ending this post with:

all hail you, the emperor.

2010-06-10T11:22:00.005+08:00

i hate people who just jumps into the bandwagon and starts hating others. your reasons for hating someone should be justified. hating someone blindly is just plain dumb, even dumberer if you hate someone because your entourage does! i for once never asked anyone to start hating others just because i hate them.

that's just plain shallow. if i dislike someone, that's just my own personal issue. it's just funny when the whole entourage gives you the evil eyes just because you are not talking to one person. drastically weird and an act of "i need to grow up".

my reason you may ask, for hating someone? i never ever liked someone who i am attached to lie to me. that is the worst thing u can ever do to me. lie. the second bad-wrong thing you could do to earn my ultra hate level is to be pretentious. it always get me wondering who you were all these while.

the third bad-wrong that could instigate my "hot peri-peri" hate level is to ignore the situation (as well as myself) and behave as if nothing happened. sorry i am not dumb. yes i am jealous, but i starve no longer for your attention. u can write all the remarks you want, tell any "created" versions as you like la, i am just here to do my duty and be gone. mean no trouble. i had enough trouble this far.

embrace the silence

2010-04-21T13:41:00.006+08:00

wow.
this is absurd. oh my god.
i beg your pardon? i did what?
apparently rumours went on that ended with an awesome twist. and listening to this made me throw up.

now i know. many things are making sense now. puzzle are being put to pieces. people seriously, rumours about others are not funny. it is harmful. stop spreading them, or ask, and you might get an answer. these rumours are being manufactured with perfection.

exploits. i had no idea words spread fast and harsh. who started it, i have no idea. maybe these people are attracted to juicy gossips. learn to not trust everything you hear. analyze.

my mother (yes my maternal mom) did not raise me to be an asshole. i was raised to treat people with respect, especially ladies.

scumbag. i will wish hard that all your mouths get sewn shut.

broken are meant to be broken.

2010-04-17T12:52:00.004+08:00

i told myself, go straight to bed.
i never listened. again religiously glued in front of my computer writing.
what good shall come out of this? wake up.

choke on my own thoughts. this is horrendous.
i leaped and ran miles away, only to return in devotion.
this is a distress call to put everything to an end.
o'ye i need solace, stop this torment.

this fury gardens my passion.
my passion to rediscover.
all i need now is to beat norm and cross the uncharted.

oh god, if you hear me.
save us, save us from ourselves.

Maria Brink, you are a perfect female homosapien.

understanding the logic of crocodiles.

2010-04-12T08:49:00.009+08:00

i hate writing. maybe i should stop writing.
these writings are fueled by angst. it is dead wrong.
today is the day my mind spoke to me in silence.
of disintegrating illusions from a perfect score.

also a day of teachings.
that not all things being equaled with our delusions.
and these freaking delusions ends with remorse.
i want out. for real.

walk the talk?
this time i will try. ending this monstrosity.
new breed of hope, a new breath of leaves.
i whisper to myself, a new hobby / interest?
Thunderbird are go!

what about a new illusion? i found one yesterday.
almost as sweet as the smell i remembered.
almost as entrancing as it used to be.
the same intense heartbeat as before.

a divine theory i discovered.
never knowing something till you actually find out.
but i ask myself, what worth the discovery?
or will it ponder another great downfall?

i surrender. it will come when it comes.
streaming preciously, to where it belongs.

Maria Brink - marry me!

pants on fire

2010-04-09T13:17:00.001+08:00

Liar. My instinct never failed me before.

As the sea breeze hits my lungs...

2010-03-23T11:01:00.005+08:00

One of the best song ever written by Architects - Hollow Crown.

There, there must be
An easier way
To release these feelings

So, so far from home
I need your voice
To hold my head together

So, so far from home
I need your voice
To lift my lonely state of mind

You, you can but wait
for me to return
For me to show you how I felt

These wounds have bled
And pages fly by
I need to feel you right by my side

So, so far from home
I need your voice
To hold my head together

So, So far from home
I need your voice
To lift my lonely state of mind

Oh there must be
An easier way
Oh there must be
An easier way
Oh there must be
An easier way
To release these feelings

As the sea breeze hits my lungs
It takes me back to where I belong
To where I belong

Dialogue of the dead.

2010-03-21T09:42:00.003+08:00

Yesterday in many years, I had to meet my "shrink". I remember the last time I had my session was when I was trying to detach M2M. Among the words he uttered were, "Sudah terkena baru nak datang kah?" After approximately 2 hours, he concluded this:

* Being too nice = boring.
* Predictable.
* A dark attitude = scary not mysterious.
* Succumbing = Lack self control.
* Provider = No stance.
* Always giving = always wanting later on.
* Straightforward = Not thrilling, also predictable and boring.
* Opening up too much = Problematic.
* Diplomatic = Equal attention. (is that wrong?)
* Focused and serious = Boring and unadventurous.
* Logic = Unimaginative, also unadventurous.
* Compliant = Lack of self worth.
* Intuitive = Freaky.
* Convenient = Needy.
* Cowardice = Low self-esteem.

With concluding this he said, "Now go beat yourself up so that you will never forget this."
Inside he probably thought, "What a loser!"
Deep inside he might have thought, "Oh please, you thought you could have pulled if off?"

And a video as usual, to portray my fragments in the form of audio video.

We can count the stars that disappear

2010-03-12T16:57:00.012+08:00

I feel like writing so much now. It is 5p.m Friday and I need to sleep as in a few hours I would need to work almost two shifts. Things has been very confusing this week.

The continuation of this rambling will continue in a jiffy.. stay tuned. (I seriously think this blog has only one or two readers, might have stumbled here by mistake.)

---------------------------------------------------

And back.
I was having brunch with a close friend (two days later from the above pause), and we were talking about our age. Like what the hell, when did we grow up so soon? We didn't even realize time passing by us. This left us pondering on what else is left for us? To me age has always been another number, some might say i get paranoid, but i'm not. Never have i acted my age before - always having fun, and taking things easy. So this could be just the right time to push things a few notch higher!

Ridiculous, success if for those who stay and fight, so that is so what i am going to do. I want to achieve a lot and i just have a couple more years to do it, so this means being bit more driven and composed.

Hey have you ever thought about how much someone you weren't really close before this could have so much impact on you recently. Crazy? I feel this is getting crazy. An ounce of sadness fills in when you know pulling this together is almost impossible. Leave it as it is and embrace? oh crap the agony. I somehow prefer someone smashing a hammer down my skull than going through this uncertainty.

"If only you could see.."
How now brown cow? go with the flow.

Ouh, I want to talk about a book i finished reading a couple of months ago.

The title of the book is called Small World by the author called Matt Beaumont. I actually won a 100 bucks MPH voucher after being called employee of the month in my office. I never read much books, just a couple of them here and there.

So when I was told I am going to be posted for month in Chicago, I needed something to read in the boring 12 hours flight. I was in MPH trying to pick up a book, i browsed randomly and the title of this book caught my eyes. (This proves judging a book by its cover could also be a good thing) So I paid for it (more like vouchered it) and read on my 12 hours never ending journey. (note: the two girls on the book cover had nothing to do with my decision as well.)

This book accompanied me for an entire month. The story was about a a handful of characters who somehow were interconnected with each other - adapting the Six Degrees of Separation theory. At first I had a hard time trying to keep up with the characters involved and it was a bit confusing to relate them. However, as things progressed, I never wanted to put this book down.

A long the way, you would feel that this story is a bit predictable, and could have predicted the ending of this story. Maybe you could relate to something in the movies. But Beaumont's twist in the end just makes this book more interesting than it already is.

Beaumont had put a lot of daily humor in this book, which was also a key point that kept me going. Also the characters in this story are the everyday people that you might have bumped into, without knowing how could you be linked to each other.

Here is the video trailer of this book! Awesome ain't it!

Something Made Outta Nothing

2010-02-11T12:22:00.011+08:00

Crack.
a simple word with many use. i normally say crack for everything.
but the real crack is when it feels like you are sitting in an actual crack and the walls are being closed in day after day. that is so crack.

yup i agree that made not much sense anyways. true true.

imagine sitting in a room with everything you have, but yet still you feel the that the walls are closing in on you. You have nowhere to run or hide. Helpless. The only thing you can do is to embrace this event.

I'm still trying to explain the impossible.

Here is what i feel day in day out. I wake up to my robotic empire life. get dressed and hit the roads. work and have some fun in the office (i always try to) and return to this room - which has everything but still feels nothing.

Melodramatic? oh yes i can be.

so come weekend, i am too tired to do stuffs. mostly try to go out and have some fun, but end up doing the same thing again and again. rarely something exciting pops-out. not really complaining about this, but feel i need a change.

Are we all trapped in a fixed systematic life pattern?

When would dreams be made? i work hard enough, just waiting for the right time. to execute what dreams were made of. will happiness come, or will it end in another systematical pattern?

i have no idea. i hate thinking, sometimes i try to let these things go. but today i just had to think about my future - and all these happened while i were playing a round of futsal.

Before i take my leave, my routine music video.

The Beautiful Mistake

2010-01-29T16:06:00.005+08:00

Not many things in life can make my mood go downstream.
I always knew how to keep myself upbeat.

But somehow this past couple of week, as I was prancing through life gracefully (tra.la.la.la) there were a few mentions about you. Why on gods given earth would someone tell me about you. There are only a few things that in this world that could make my limbs go numbs - and one of that has always been you.

Even before I started writing this, a very spontaneous question was asked about you. I loved remembering all those times we had, but some things are too painful to remember.

My natural high did not sustain this hit of memories. Crap!

Holy crap! It was at least 5 years ago, shouldn't I let this go by now?
I have no idea why not. Will I dwell on the thoughts of you forever?
So I sat and thought to myself - It was because you never gave me the closure. (Thank you *little pony*, you said it right.)

Is this writing a glimpse of my vulnerability? All I wanted to do was to banish you from my life and keep you at the same time. Confused? So am I.

Listen. I don't want another you, but I want someone way better than you, someone who keeps me laughing and keeps my energy going - and someone that will show me the way and sort me out, because you who shall not be named, did not finish what you started.

*bow bow*

As usual, a song to show my current mood :D

Closure of the year that was

2009-12-14T08:46:00.005+08:00

oh my god.
it is just another fortnight till the year 2009 comes to an end.
sadly i have not achieved much again this year, let alone accomplish goals that i've set for myself.

i need a decent holiday.
i seriously do. i just need to getaway. run-away from this madness.
some time to restructure and align myself back, something like your car services. change some oil, tighten some screws - those kinda stuffs.

too much to think.
oh man, talk about office politics. these are the dying times. trust no one!
i had enough, some may seem so nice to you but their only intentions are to get stories off your chest. crap. i abhor this, as when you work at the same place, you are bounded just like family. but nooo, we just had to make it a high-school reunion.

keep it fun.
of course. i have a phd in this department. i know how to keep myself enthusiastic and eccentric all the time. i am going to keep it that way for a long time.

desire.
it has been one year, but looking into her eyes still makes me weak.
yup it still does!

trust me i have no idea what to scribble here.

2009-10-29T13:48:00.011+08:00

Pace.
I swear upon the God of Thunder himself - Zeus, it was moving slow like there was no tomorrow. Although, it has reached almost a full nail-biting year at this new company of mine, life in general has been moving real slow.

Pounds.
Oh hell no! Instead of losing precious kilos, I ended up gaining more. Come on I have my new "goal" programmed into my head like coordinates on a GPS, and I need my weight lost pronto. This one is too precious to slip away.

Partner.
"I will have this one on-the-go please, sir!". As express as it came, things just did not work out. Maybe I rushed in too fast, and regretted having a partner. For all I know, this was not the one! So all aboard ship, we are seeking for the one, again! Singles may apply.

Predilection.
I kid you not, I have no idea what that means. I dictionary.com'ed the word bias and voilà! Yes about being bias, no I am so not! I favour the righteousness of things. So i lean towards those who are right!

Portrayal.
Sometimes I sit down and wonder of what people see of me. Is it really that negative? or maybe am I just being over conscious. No matter what they do think of me, I always end up having a lot of fun - kudos to natural high!

Picture.
Picture this. Leaving to Chicago soon for training, but not too happy. I don't want to be alone there and I hate being alone. I love being surrounded by fun people. Arghh, I just going to let this pass and get over this real quick.

Playlist.
My favourite part of writing is that I get to post my favourite tune of the moment. I love sharing my tunes. It enhances so much things in my life. And before I leave you guys with this song, today's show has been brought to you by the letter "P"

where nightmares and dreams comes together.

2009-04-11T11:56:00.006+08:00

For the past decades I have always been temperamental. But this week had been different. I suppressed my temper and could not retaliate for reason I totally understood. It saddens me that I can't offer my defense, which I know will come out as only cold temper.

But I am glad. It was well taken and well absorbed, without me even lending a helping hand, or in this case without me swinging my fist around. I learned that I need to be patient today on. Maybe this way I might live longer. But I admit, it was challenging to watch from afar all that heat being thrown upon.

That is why I prize. The calm and resilient spirit that I saw in that eyes, and I know it could withstand many more. If it was me, I would have showered a stinging rain towards this - a typical Scorpio. But somehow, it saddens me that I could not do it. Suppressing temper is not easy :(

Guide me, as I learned to catch the softer sides of things. This is me at my worst, and also at my best! Now I sleep silently. To wake up with a smile.

* My first post was actually a very destructive one, but I edited it into this, a more happier version.

I got myself in a headlock

2009-04-04T16:17:00.008+08:00

Work, work, and more work.

That is how it has been lately. I as much as I am a famous whiner, this time I will not complaint much about the workload. I'm just floating through like a dried leave blown away on autumn breeze.

It's 4:18pm Saturday. Haven't slept in about 20 hours now. I hate office politricks. As much as I despise it, it will never fade away and will always linger around me. Be part of the system or be totally annihilated. True enough. Jump in the bandwagon now or you shall be condemned. I just have no idea. It is a simple concept in the office, we have the right clan, the wrong clan and the I have no idea what is going out but I want to stay out of trouble clan.

To play it safe, most of you would have chosen the third clan - I have no idea what is going out but I want to stay out of trouble clan. If you chose this, I am sorry people won't see you as a diplomat or a peacemaker... but more as a hypocrite or someone with no stance. I am loquacious, thus I am the enemy to most eyes. In this *cough* twenty* cough* six years living on planet earth, I've seen too many things to hate or love. In my past, I took things seriously and reacted boldly towards righteousness - only to later to find out that I've been fighting the battles with the wrong sides.

Relax. Observe. Listen. Learn. or ROLL as professor doctor me calls it. (hahahahaha, a new theory I made up for this post.) My first two weeks in the office, I did not have much friends. Everyone was pretty much busy with their own stuffs, so I did the ROLL. Okla, I don't even recall what I wrote above, I think it was straight from the heart, and definitely if from me it is pretty much a load of crap.

Since lately I've been smiling a lot, allow me to leave you with my favourite single... *drum rollls* headlock by Imogen Heap.

But wait... due to certain computer glitch, i have this video clip on. What the heck, enjois.

My return

2009-03-15T22:33:00.007+08:00

Ho ho ho.
It's been what? 15 months since I last wrote something? Bloody hell. Ok I confess. I forgot I even had this blog. No seriously!

A lot has changed over the years. For once i think I gained like a gazillion pounds. Second I quit smoking for a year than came back smoking due to work-stress. Made new friends. Got closer to my old friends. Got a job as a copywriter, in a mobile content company then left it for a better paying job in a publishing company. All in all, I am a much happier person now. Uuuuuu, and I bought my first own car. Vroom Vroom.

Most of my friends are working right now, so everyone is pretty much busy during weekdays. However, we do meet up during most weekends. Cassandra is currently recording their first full-length, and expected to be released soon. I predict this will go BOOM.

Still living with my parents. Goddamn, when am I moving out? I think not anytime soon. I love me parents. I work night shift. That explain my ability to fight crime when the city sleeps - just like the Dark Knight. Ok enough mengarut. Will write soon.

Currently listening to:

hr@still-unemployed.com.my

2007-09-25T07:37:00.002+08:00

Talk about stress.

Nothing beats being unemployed and still deciding on a career path to lead.
I graduated a few months back and I totally failed to see this coming through. I was too busy anticipating on my long-awaited graduation. As for the final few months before I left my university, all I had in mind was that employment is gonna come through easy and quick as I was pretty sure that my bachelor's degree was unique and had the particular demand for it. But maybe I am wrong.

Almost discouraging.
I applied, applied and stopped applying and re-applied to almost anything that I can think off. (Well, mostly)
I also learned that you don't need to have a degree to be an entrepreneur. Talk about choosing majors! As much low esteemed I may seem, I'm not. I have something extraordinary. However, I still need to get employed! Passion to pay my bills as well. I altered my resume for about a few hundred times now, thinking something must be wrong with it. Gosh, someone employ me. I can do a bus load of stuffs. Trust me, I won't be another guy on the couch in your company.

Distress!
Knowing that I'm on a highway and still contemplating on which exit to take.
I now compare myself to others. Like why wasn't I a TV star or a professional football player. Life seem easy for them, doing something out of passion and fun. Also why didn't I do a major in IT or Engineering - jobs seems to be flowing in that direction. All that I've been getting is telemarketing or outdoor sales jobs. I do not, I repeat.. do not need a tertiary education for that. If that was the case, I wouldn't have spent a Proton Waja equivalent amount of money to get a bachelor's degree.

Jobstreet.com is my best friend.
Trust me, at this times, you would be visiting the site more often than you actually visit porn sites. But still nothing to my avail. A pack of cigarettes would take away your stress, mostly when someone keeps telling you what they did at work today or when you bump into a friend and so happen to pop the question of your current employment status. A new fad of reading TheStar emerges every Saturdays - just to browse the recruitment section. Oh..and I forgot, Astro is not doing its job of keeping me occupied.

Departure.
I'm off to post few more resumes for a few jobs I scouted. But nothing seem to stir my interest. I want something challenging, something that would require me to put all my creative flows to attain result. I thing I would get that soon enough.. patience.

When my parents were pleased to know they do need to fund me anymore.
I thought otherwise. Haha.

Forbidden Island

2007-07-05T02:50:00.002+08:00

I keep telling myself to write about my forbidden island post-graduation trip but I keep procrastinating on it. I've been busy sorting out my graduation and finding myself an ideal job. Later, I realised that ideal is a subjective term. What may seem ideal to me at this moment is having a career of passion, but of course passion still has to be able to pay the bills. During my intern days, I was busy seeking for an ultimate holiday destination to give me a time off before i begun working. Bali, Phuket, Cebu, Sydney.. you name it, i had thought of it. But when time came, I realised with my current savings, I am only able to settle in for a "Cuti-cuti Malaysia." Hey not bad what! Instead of going somewhere new, i decided to go to the same old Penang that had been my parent's favourite destination since I was a kid. To tell you the truth, there's something about this island that I'm very fond off. The food, the beaches or maybe the "anak mamis".

So packed with only our cameras and clothes, we drove towards the northern region of the country. Better still, to save up on our accommodations, Faliq's parents allowed us to stay at their condo in Bukit Merah. Even as it was about 45 minutes drive from the island itself, we decided that this plan would actually save us the accommodation cost, however we would only be able to be in Penang for a day trip. (finally ended up a whole long day - 10am till 2am next day in Penang)

The beautiful part of Penang is that since I've been there many times every places I visit or pass through would be a journey through memory lane. I recollected one of my fondest memory of the condominium just as I had bypassed the bridge. If I am not mistaken, 15th floor or so and the "Christmas Lights" and wave goodbye - great memories they were. According to various online food bloggers, Nasi Kandar Kampung Melayu was the ultimate nasi kandar experience. And so we tried. Im not sure I got there on a wrong day, but it was just mediocre stuff. But the good part was that the roti canai dude put up an awesome show by flipping the roti canai's doughs airborne!

Look! I can juggle dough!

MMM... I must be on some newspaper!

Mostly, this trip ended up being a photo whoring trip and we ended up taking pictures of us at almost anywhere. Back from Penang, I was home, unemployed a fresh graduate and doing nothng much then sitting around and browsing through jobstreet.com the whole day. Torrent downloads are also amongst my favourite pastime. If anyone reading this far and has the power to employ, let me know. hahahaha. I will let you off you miseries from reading this by a simple show of pictures of the remaining of the trip. Go to Penang, its worth it!

I'm on someone else's side mirror!

Rojak buah penang at its best!

Look mom, I can see home!

View of Penang from Bukit Bendera

Balik Kampung!

farewell to a friend

2007-06-04T21:50:00.001+08:00

1st June 2007.

I was in Penang having a great vacation when I received a sms stating a dear friend, Nur Nikmat Selamat had passed away in a road accident. He was a very energetic and youthful person and we always had great laughs with him. I was shocked and immediately burst into tears as it had been almost 6 months since I last met him, and now I wouldn't have the chance to do so. He never failed to crack us up, but the fondest memories of him were always the ones in the mosh pit. Nikmat, you would be dearly missed and rest in our hearts. I would remember you every time I attend shows and save you a spot in the pit. My deepest condolences to his family members and may our muslim friends recite Al-Fatihah to our friend. May he rest in peace.

In loving memories, Nikmat. We love you bro!

The versus game

2007-04-20T15:36:00.001+08:00

It has all come down to this, the final two weeks of my internship. Things were pretty hectic and stressful, nevertheless fun. What I am furious is of all the fun I missed out during this internship. I learned a few things handy thing during my whole internship thing like myspace.com has a huge load of virus and spams, the xerox machine is fun to play with, that office coffees are essential and more. I've been on a month of no rice diet. It kinda worked out fine. As easy it may seem, it isn't. I'm not talking about the rice factor, but finding food with not much rice or equivalent carbo is not easy here, in Cyberjaya especially. Food here are either fried or unhealthy. If its healthy and good, it's gotta be expensive. Another weird thing is that, people tend to stare at your plate when u just get the proteins without the rice. So conclusion, Malaysians are great rice eaters. Well after a month, i left out on the diet (how typical) and continued to eat rice as it cost more to just get meat only on your plate ( as you need to get a bigger portion to get even). However, results were kinda encouraging. The final verdict: " Weight : - 5kgs, Me: 1" .

My pc at home was starting to get all gay on me. It keeps crashing and getting a bit slower than it used to be. With my widget hi-tech ultra compu-savvy spider sense (gosh, im a geek), i suspected it was the graphic card(gpu), and by god i really hope it didn't. It wasn't the best of the gpu's, but it was one of a kind. Firstly it was rare to get a GeForce4 Ti at that time of purchase and second, thing would complicated if I needed to change the gpu as nowdays the market serves mainly to a more higher-end gpu's and that my motherboard does not support this new gpu's (blame it on the technology life cycle). As hard it was for me to let go and put away my tremendous gpu, I just had to - to get my pc running as it used to. So I just went over to the digital mall at ss14 PJ and bought myself a simple and cheap gpu that could not even match te performance of this previous one. The final verdict for this tear-jerking incident : Gay GPU: 1, Me: 0.

With all the hype of buying the gpu, i also added some extra RAM memory to the pc and bought a new DVD writer. Now, with all this added all that is left to do is overclock the pc. I've been reading through the net that my particular processor (Intel p4 478 2.4ghz) is an extraordinary chip that has a high overclock availability. With the proper heat-control, it could be done up to 4.1ghz (thats the record till today). Im not aiming high, but im going for the 3.4ghz max. So yess some cash would flow out, but for this so called outdated pc, it would go tremendously. So im gonna struggle through it and use up my holiday fund to do up the pc. Hopefully everything goes well. With this case, the won't be a final verdict but rather a final prediction that would be: Ultimate CPU: 1, Me: 1. Win win situation that would be.

Thats all for now, I shall post in later on when I had overclocked the pc. Then we shall find out the verdict thoroughly.

On the third sunrise, look to the east

2007-03-06T15:28:00.001+08:00

What have i been doing? Coffees and cigarettes, enough said. I wonder if i would ever overdose on these things. I might, i might. Its been 6 weeks doing my internship, and by god, time flies real slow. Roughly, i have around 8 more weeks to go, then the internship report submittal and followed by the internship presentation. Anything beyond that is gonna take place at the convocation hall around August 11th.

Honestly, i don't get it how could people ever work in an office cubicle. Its cramped, it takes away your thinking space and yes, i just realised i am clusterphobic. Although the heads of my university are great supporters of the "tak nak" campaign, i still grab a chance to spoil myself with a stick every now and then. Security guards had been marching all day and still, fire escapes are a smokers best friend! (i just wish no pak guards are fellow bloggers!) Call me belagak, but seriously, if there's nothing around to do, i can go crazy. I keep fidgeting and get high on task assignments. .Not to say that there's nothing to do at all, but being an intern, you're the standby guy. (sound gayish ain't it?) When nothing much is there to do, i push through the day by having "how many websites you can visit in a day?" contest with my fellow officemate, and sorry yahoo.com and google.com may not count as a website for this competition, gotta be more than that.

I also did realise, most working-adults spent their weekends wisely and they would actually pick up hobbies or some sort to make sure their weekends are fulfilled. Me on the other hand, use up my weekend credit hours to get back to those left out sleep hours. Thinking of hobbies, the only hobby i really had was during my geeky days, which was playing Magic: the Gathering trading cards. Dude, i was the ultimate trading card geek back then. Luckily, i got out of it just in time, if not i would have been making my life decisions using a d16 RPG dice. So, point is, i need to start make the most out of my weekends by not just sleeping to kill time. If looking at girls was a hobby, i am sure i would have scored as a level 5 paladin with resistance against all magic and summoning creature ability. (sorry, my geekier side showed up again.) Nevertheless, i shall soon pick up one cool enough.

So,when doing nothing at the office, i often wonder to browse off wikipedia.com. Even though i heard of rumours that informations at the site aren't mostly accurate, i still get my excitement over reading through it. There's a whole lotta shit in there. Trust me, upon reading an article, you would be clicking related links away and surfed into a whole new different topic and so forth. You can type almost anything and still get the pleasure of reading from it.

Okla. before i leave, here's some office tips for your pleasurable office moments, or not!

Make better office coffee : Link

Make office darts: Link

Copy Machine Exercise: Link

midday crisis

2007-02-05T17:22:00.001+08:00

Two weeks since i left home (right, like its in another state!) and much I had gained through my internship. For once, I learned that time by itself has ultimate value. They say time and space go concurrently, however, I seem to space out on the time I had. An easy way of putting it, I now understand the precious value time - every seconds worths.

Before this, when people spoke of work stress and such, I uselessly thought that it was an easy task and no reason for an excuse. What could go wrong, and even you get paid at the end of the month. There is where I got myself wrong. Daily routine had turned me into a robot-chip implanted human, moving emotionalessly throughout the day. It is neither the feeling of happy nor sad, but hopelessly not feeling anything - Wake up, get ready and work. A daily routine that could somehow transform your life into a pre-programmed robot. So from 8:30 a.m to 5:30 p.m on weekdays, I have surrendered my soul to work.

Recaping my internship. I made a new friend - Midmaison. A very cheerful lad. I have wonderful executives that are really nice and leanient. CCTD is the centre that deals with the commercialization and development of technopreneurs. Needless to explain further, it handles startup businesses and intelectual property related matters. As an intern, I had been given few simple tasks, where I handle some copywriting and write-ups for some upcoming projects. Life here can be considered fun, however, can be a bit slow-paced at times. Nevertheless, I'm enjoying my time here and hope to learn as much as I could. The Melaka campus intern - Zani from Myanmmar is swell too and has loads to share when he comes overto Cyberjaya. The rest of the executives are wacky when under stress and fun as well.

On the downside, I had been missing out on all the fun out there. All I have now is my weekends, where I mostly settle down for some good sleep and lazing-tv session. I desperately miss some of my dear buds and hope to join them on their activities. I miss the futsal session, Williams, teh-tarik, sessoning at Kash's Crib and bla bla bla. As ritually being done most of the mentioned for a straight month and so, this sudden change in my lifestyle had made me a junkie - a fun junkie. Miles apart, after a hard day of work, i routinely get back home and rest, wait for dinner and let alone to wait for bedtime. Thus my robotic empire lifestyle had been emphasized for a whole week now. Weekends never feel the same again, where i cherish every seconds of it.

Audio Quality Tweaking for Windows Media Player

2006-12-30T21:57:00.002+08:00

I hate bad quality audio. I hate to listen songs with high distortions due to bad ripping. Since i don't have enough money to get a better soundcard for my pc, the audio quality on my pc is pretty fucked up. Cool audio speakers cost a fortune, so i just hang on a cheap below RM100 headphone. If you are on the same boat as me, worry no more! I can help you.

So here i was browsing thru a website and found this. This dude has a variety of audio plugins and audio enhancements mainly for audio engineering and productions. So here with using some of the tools of th 4Front Tech, i would like to share an easy and cheap way to get a really great audio. But before you try, here is what you will be needing and requirements to get started:

The 4 Front Headphone Plugin
(this plugin allows you to reduce the sharpness of the audio by giving you an audio which sound more like in a room. Sometimes you might even forget that you had a headphone on)
Windows Media Player 9 or later
(you could use other players but please read thru the website on more information or releases according to the players you are using)
MP3 at a bitrate of 195-250
(anywhere less than this might not help you get a full effect on this audio enhancement. Im not too sure of having an audio bitrate of more than 250, but from what i head, the sound would be too distorted to hear on a stock sound card)
AC97 Audio Driver
(ahh, i dont know why, but if you have a better driver, than be it)
Finally, i tested most of this tweaking for genres of Metalcore, or let me say that this tweaking method would go perfectly with that genre. But still you can always give it a try or tweak yourself according to your preferences. I tried listening to other genres like chill out, lounge, and even trip-hop on this setting. It works kinda sweet too. You just gotta tweak the volume every now and then for audio with different bitrate.

Alright, let me show you how to get this done, its very very easy. Great audio in no time.

First download and install the 4Front Headphone plugin from the website.
Follow the instructions and install the plugin.
Check if the plugin is already installed in your Windows Media Player.

Now Playing > Plug-ins > Other. Make sure you check both the and the 4Front Headphone 1.0c and Tray Control
You might have to restart your Windows Media Player.
Open the 4Front Headphone Plugin in the tray icon

Double click the OSPI Plugin Manager on your icon tray and set the Virtual Room at 28% and the Output Gain at -2.2dB. Make sure the bypass box is NOT checked!
Edit your Sound Effect Manager. (if your audio is on the AC97 Driver, it would come with this Sound Effect Manager.)

Control Panel > Sound Effect Manager

Check the ON box and choose the Rock Preset Equalizer
Set your Windows Media Player's Enhancements

Turn on the Graphic EQ and choose the Metal Preset and Check on the first bullet.
Now to add some bass to your Enhancements.
Go to the SRS WOW Effects panel under Enhancements. Turn the effect on and select Normal Speaker mode and set the attributes as the following - TruBass at 30 and WOW Effect at 34
Finally, you are set to go. Here is a simple rule of the thumb. If your audio's bitrate is bigger, set your master volume to 50%. If the audio's bitrate is lower, set the master volume at 75%. (assuming that wave and other volume controls are at full)

Now have fun and try tweaking your audio for a better experience now. You could always try to tweak the 4Front Headphone Setting according to your preferences or experimentation. Its up to you. The setting shown above is just according to my preferences.

for everything it is worth

2006-12-25T23:13:00.001+08:00

Im way behind things. Datelines and more datelines. Its more like the datelines are eating me up.When i mention im way behind, its also means the latest prison break episode i watched was episode 7 of season 2.Most prison break fans would rather have me tied up and beaten to death for this so called attitude.

Im almost at the brink of rounding up my studies. As much as i should be happy, im not. My overdue extension to my studies had took its toll. Im now overly paranoid on whether it would effect my job interviews. I only have my internship ahead of me that is keeping me away from my bachelor degree. Besides my paranoid session,
everything is back to square one.

Im back to my parents house, as my contract with my puchong crib expired and we decided to just return to our families.Gosh i lived with my friends for a over 5 years now.I've naturally been with them my entire young adulthood.How am i gonna survive now? I had friends back-up my finances, share stories (yes, we do have pillow talks!) and even worst, have our fun! We now live apart and rarely meet up each other.

Im still in the process of refurnishing my room at my parents place. I just manage to re-paint the room with a vibrant colour. Haven't brought in most of the furnitures yet and still deciding on how shall i refurnish the room. When i left my room, i was 17, meaning it was a boy's room, with much teen angst in it. See, now, im still a boy, just bigger. So now, im planning to dress up the room for a more calm and soothing me. I took my first step with a calm light purplish colour, well it's not too feminine, just it reflects a more calm environment,vas im sure i would bring more stress back home from work later on! Preparing for the worst.

Besides all these, life's like a moving vehicle, if you ever try to jump out, you're gonna get hurt. (does that even makes any sense) If you ever come across my blog and read it, kudos!You are infected to my life. This is the mind control method that the U.S government had been talking all these while, kinda like the area 51 projects.

The endnote for this time is gonna be a bit different. Im gonna share with you my current play list that puts me through the times. So here it is in no particular order:

Milla Kay - I am Late ( she is a great artist, pay her a visit and support her)
Madita - Ceylon ( awesome song, awesome website)
Kate Havnevik - New Day ( Norway at its best, electronics)
BitterSweet - Bitter:Sweet Faith ( Bossa Jazz made look bad)
Kyoto Jazz Massive - The Brightness of these Days
Esthero - Heaven Sent ( Trip-Hop, nu-jazz and soul )
All That Remains - The Calling ( Metalcore)
Shai Hulud - Set Your Body Ablaze ( Melodic Metalcore)
Deadlock - Awakened by Sirens ( Melodic Metal)
Caliban - I Rape Myself ( no, no im not doing anything to myself, just a song title!)

(me losing all my sense of character)

plastic cased heart

2006-10-06T07:24:00.001+08:00

just got off my first final paper for this trimester.
small business mgmt was tuff.
i wrote my way thru 2 hrs and i think all i wrote was crap.
luckly i hv confidence in some of the craps i wrote.
huhu. hopefully an A for that.

spywares, malwares and adwares are nuissance.
those people who makes these things are crap!! again i repeat crap!
i just finished formating my pc again and lost all my porns. haha.
luckily it was just those porns. i would die if it had been my mp3's.
i ran thru a spyware test and hijackthis! and found out on several thousands
of spywares on my pc. the better thing to do - format.

i pledged myself to start studying for my next paper, but i just end up
hours of wasting time on either the msn or watching movies.
thanks to torrents, i managed to download click!
just finished watching the movie.
seriously, i think its a great movie.
i had expected it to be more of a stoner comedy.
hahaha. it was pretty sad towards the end.

have nothing much planned for the remainder of the week,
except for the high school reunion cum buka puasa feast.
so much for reunion, but i think its just gonna be us and a few others.
i think a buka puasa buffet at penang village USJ would be excellent.
should go great.
this sunday, danil and rizal of letlovebleed clothings had also
planned a buka puasa feast at pelita restaurant subang.
with all these plans, i wonder if i would be able to actually study for
my paper on monday! man, i gotta push myself.

the other day, somehow me and aza got into this conversation of
my previous "belengu" as what aza calls it.
we were talking on how i was so onto her.
we were talking on things happened from melaka till cyber.
hahaha. memories siut. bodo gile sial.
i was explaining to aza how it felt to be heartbroken previously
while attached to the person.
i told him that it felt like the bullet time in the max payne game
when u are heartbroken and everything slows down as hell
and u feel like shit.
but back again, im all free now and no longer stuck to the person
or serve the persons needs.

ok, everything besides that, lifes on auto-pilot and everything
runs at a mediocre rate. should be fine enuff now.
my only concern now is the paper ahead of me.
should be fine la. all other things being the same, i should be able to
increase my average grade by the time i graduate.

when pen and paper are put to rust

2006-09-19T04:55:00.001+08:00

all the hype about blogging got to me to indulge in this. where pen and paper are no longer our concern, i shall adapt myself here. i hv tons of things to do now, but yet still im stting on my ass doing nuthing. plss help me.. kemalasan takleh handle.

final lg 2 weeks plus. kalau tak blaja elok2 ni, giler do extend lg wei. shits. i cant afford to extend my studies another year. so, after this deeparaya celebration and stuff, i would have to find myself a part time job. eventho kemalasan camjing, i still have to get a part time job. if i wanna go for a real kickass holiday, i hafta.

i thought of finding a job at borders, at the curve. my lect, recommended me a place to work as a marketing research officer. tula, tgk dulu la, cam malas pon ade sial.. haha camne nak ade duit kalau malas. nvm, after the finals i shall decide on which is best.. till then enjoy dulu sial. hey guess what, i adapted to this blogging thing. shall post something soon